Three months leading up to one event

My initial reasons for wanting to participate in a triathlon were to 1.) Prevent my yearly weight gain in the months following Christmas; 2.) Challenge myself physically and prove that I can do this; 3.) Overcome fears and self-doubt and meet new people that are like minded. 

When I went to the initial class about the triathlon, I was going to change my mind and not do it because it just seemed like so much.  Not the exercise part.  The fact that I didn't have a bike, or any of the bells and whistles (wetsuit, special bike shoes, helmet, blah blah blah).  Transitions.  YIKES!  Despite my self-doubt and the and the less than positive feedback from my husband, I still decided to go forward with it.

Long story short, I decided to get a coach, a road bike, a wetsuit and get myself out of the comfort zone.  I already knew I had issues with my self-esteem, but doing this training was like taking a magnifying glass and seeing it all, every nook and cranny: I did not trust myself or anyone else and I was all wrapped up in the performance and doing great because that would make me feel better, right? 

About two months into my training, I hit a pretty low point.  I had a really hard time swimming in close proximity to other people, I noticed that I had been missing a day of training almost every week and I continued more rigorously with the negative self-talk.  I talked to my husband about it and my coach and was able to resurface once again.

I have been challenged through this process with feelings of guilt about not being around for my children, taking too much time for the training and not enough time doing household chores, etc.  I have tried to limit my training times to early in the morning as much as possible so that it does not interfere with family time.  I got so annoyed when my daughter (now 19 months) would get sick and cry in the middle of the night because it was making me tired and sometimes unable to have the energy to get through a workout.  Then I felt guilt about being annoyed and having those feelings.  So selfish... bad mom...you know, all those uplifting thoughts and feelings.

The invaluable lesson that I have learned through this whole process is that the most important part of the training is loving yourself.  If you are constantly telling yourself that you can't do it, you will literally psych yourself out of accomplishing your goals, not only in training for a competition, but all aspects of your life.

I have to work hard at changing the negative self talk and try hard to be grateful for what I have accomplished so far.  I thank God for being able bodied enough to participate in all of these activities.  I have faced a few of my fears head on instead of staying comfortable.  I have met amazing, inspiring people of all ages, shapes and sizes.  I have gained insight into my own humility and vulnerability and this has what has made this experience worth while, no matter how I actually do in the race.